I remember one time, I was at the Stork Club in Oakland, and I was wearing my red and white striped hat, and I heard a group of girls being like "WHERE'S WALDO?!" when I walked by, and it made me sad so I took it off even though I LOVE that hat!

Fuckers.

Boo Hoo.

I am crying because I am not healthy and I am sad and lonely.
I'm too young.
I know I don't have it nearly as bad as some, but I am jealous of everyone else my age who still gets to be normal.
I don't know what to do.
I am pathetic.
I went to a show a couple of nights ago because I knew a boy that I like was going to be there.
He was there.
I did not say hello to him. And then I left.
I have been completely hung up all year long on two boys, neither one of which reciprocates my feelings at this point. But I still think about them both all the time. I know how dumb it is, but I have nothing else to do.
I'm also not used to not getting what I want.
If I wasn't so firmly implanted in this routine of mine I might meet someone, but I am also afraid to meet new people because I worry that I am boring and gross.

I have also been worrying for a long time that I am vapid.
Fake.
a Poseur.
a Wannabe.
I definitely feel like I'm different.
But am I better than most people, or am I way shittier?
Example:
(How can I be perfect for someone when we don't have anything in common?)
Most people have interests.
I am not really interested in anything.
I mean, I am interested in music and making it, but I don't scour youtube for obscure performances, I don't spend hours in record stores, I just don't care.
I like to paint and draw stuff for myself and my friends, but art doesn't come out of me and I don't know stuff about artists or anything like that.

I make comics but I don't read comics.
I make Ramones style music but I don't listen to the Ramones.

Etc.

Fuck it.
I don't understand life or being a human AT ALL.
It'd probably kill me if I did though.
I just want someone to cuddle and make out with.

A Few Things to Say.

I have a few things to say.


- You assholes are getting curious about Jeff! I have been noticing that more and more people have been asking me about the multicolored letters painted on my guitar. "Who's Jeff?" they ask. "Where's Jeff?" they ask. "Is Jeff a real person?" they ask.

OF COURSE Jeff is a real person, and fuck you if you can't understand that!!!!

I saw Jeff on Halloween actually. Did I mention that? He went as a creepy coach, and so did Nate, and that is why they are perfect for each other.

I went as "I had a baby but I don't know where it went". Pretty much I just wore a hospital gown and no pants and I cut the gown really short and my entire ass was exposed. I was worried about it at first but then I decided that it totally added to the costume, so I left it be. And then I put a bunch of fake blood all over my legs and the bottom of the gown. No one really asked about it at all except one guy who said, "Let me guess, that's not a costume?" and I said "Nope, this ACTUALLY happened!"

But the only candy they had at the party I went to was Smarties. Not that I don't like Smarties, or anything like that, but I mean camaaaaaan. Also Kayla's bag and all of her things got stolen at this party. I keep wanting to txt her, but I can not. How sad.



- The other day after leaving Max's house in Oakland I accidentally stepped into the wrong car. Victoria and Kayla were waiting for me in a similar looking car parked right in front of this one. I stepped into it, realized there was no one and nothing in the car, realized my horrible mistake, and stepped back out. Apparently the car belonged to an old crackhead couple and they were EXTREMELY UPSET. They were like "HEY! WHAT THE FUCK YOU DOIN, GETTIN' IN OUR CAR????" (etc) And I was like "I...uhhhh....this....not right car." (Then I ran away.)



- I played Heavy Hawaii's record release show in San Diego. It was fun. I was in San Diego for less than 12 hours. I brought 1 joint and Mario gave me 1 joint which meant that I had 1 joint in each of my 2 pockets. Yes! I love Math!!!

I lost my sunglasses though, and had to play without them. It was very sad. Then after the show, JoJo from HH found them on the stage like, right next to the amp I was using or something.

I'm just glad they're safe and sound.



- I played at Nate's warehouse in Oakland. It was SUPER FUN. All the bands were really good. I smoked a lot of weed and was high all night long.

I am high now, by the way. It's because I smoked weed a few minutes ago.

- I played at Bottom of the Hill in San Francisco. It was pretty cool. I had never been there before and I really liked it! I almost fell asleep sitting in a chair behind the merch table though at one point.



- Kayla and Victoria decided to hang out in L.A. for the weekend and give me a ride back down. It was very nice of them. It was really fun and nice to have some company.

We smoked SO MUCH WEED.
It was awesome.

We got here really late on Friday night, smoked a ton of weed, watched Half Baked, fell asleep in my bed.

Then on Saturday night I played a show at a new warehouse in North Hollywood called The Hustle House. It was AWESOME!! Everyone there was a huge stoner and kept asking us if we wanted to get high. Which we did, of course. And we did!!!

In honor of that, I am going to smoke more weed right now.

Annnnnyway.

On Sunday night we decided to go to a restaurant called Swinger's in Santa Monica. It was pretty good. I got challah french toast. But I don't actually think they used challah bread. I dunno. It looked iffy to me. Kayla got vegan sloppy joes (nice) and Victoria got a classic breakfast. She let me eat some of her bacon. I really like bacon.

Then Anie and Crystal came to meet us! They were in L.A. for the weekend too because Anie got a new puppy. It is a black chihuahua. It is an apple-head which means that due to the shape of its skull it's not as fucked up looking as some other chihuahuas, which are known as deer-heads.

Anyway, then Anie wanted to go hang out with some dude that she wants to bang, so we all went to his recording studio place in Santa Monica. It was pretty nice. We sat on a big nice soft couch and watched "OH MY GOD SHOES" because Anie didn't know what that was. At one point I spilled coffee all over the couch and didn't tell anyone. Luckily the couch was brown.

Then Anie went back to Anaheim and the rest of us went back to my house where we snacked, smoked weed and watched TV.

I love having people to hang out in my bed with. My bed is the best.

THEN on Monday, which was just yesterday, we went to Venice Beach to meet up with my friend Yannick who is from Montreal but is here on tour with his new band No Joy. (We played together at the warehouse on Saturday.) It was really windy out. We went to Siam Chan and ate delicious food. Then it was time for Victoria and Kayla to go home.

I miss them so much already!!!



Aww. Okay. If I think of more I will write about it. For now though that is about it.