I am crying because I am not healthy and I am sad and lonely.
I'm too young.
I know I don't have it nearly as bad as some, but I am jealous of everyone else my age who still gets to be normal.
I don't know what to do.
I am pathetic.
I went to a show a couple of nights ago because I knew a boy that I like was going to be there.
He was there.
I did not say hello to him. And then I left.
I have been completely hung up all year long on two boys, neither one of which reciprocates my feelings at this point. But I still think about them both all the time. I know how dumb it is, but I have nothing else to do.
I'm also not used to not getting what I want.
If I wasn't so firmly implanted in this routine of mine I might meet someone, but I am also afraid to meet new people because I worry that I am boring and gross.
I have also been worrying for a long time that I am vapid.
Fake.
a Poseur.
a Wannabe.
I definitely feel like I'm different.
But am I better than most people, or am I way shittier?
Example:
(How can I be perfect for someone when we don't have anything in common?)
Most people have interests.
I am not really interested in anything.
I mean, I am interested in music and making it, but I don't scour youtube for obscure performances, I don't spend hours in record stores, I just don't care.
I like to paint and draw stuff for myself and my friends, but art doesn't come out of me and I don't know stuff about artists or anything like that.
I make comics but I don't read comics.
I make Ramones style music but I don't listen to the Ramones.
Etc.
Fuck it.
I don't understand life or being a human AT ALL.
It'd probably kill me if I did though.
I just want someone to cuddle and make out with.
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i'd cuddle and make out with you, but i'm a girl and i think you mean boys.
ReplyDeleteLol
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a kid, it was my dream to grow up and stay in bed with a girl. Teenage dream when I was in Jr highschoolz. Still is really. it is ok to like what you like. You don't need to be like everyone or anyone else.
ReplyDeleteI feel ya
ReplyDelete"When I was a kid, it was my dream to grow up and stay in bed with a girl. Teenage dream when I was in Jr highschoolz. Still is really. it is ok to like what you like. You don't need to be like everyone or anyone else."
ReplyDeleteAwww.
That is nice.
I know.
I must always remember the Gary Coleman picture.
hi.
ReplyDeletei love you more than the world. to the moon and back a million times. a million and two.
i think you are perfect just the way you are, imperfections and all.
i often feel like there is nothing i am really interested in either. i have no talents. i have no goals. but you know what we do have?
we have our feelings. we have our love for the people and world around us. we have each other.
your music is incredible, with each day that passes i am more and more proud of you. i brag about you constantly. i live vicariously through you, but not because i necessarily want to be doing what you're doing, but because i think you are an amazing person with tremendous talents and it makes me so happy to be your friend.
i know you didn't make this post just to hear these things, but i wanted to say them anyways.
whenever you feel down, just remember that no matter what happens, you will always have at least one person on your side. unconditionally. forever.
my life would suck without you in it.
you are one of the nicest, caring, most beautiful, creative, and hilarious people i know.
xo times infinity forever,
kayla
Hey dood. I never read this because I never have internet, but I am in massachusetts right now and it is shitty at the moment so here I am. I dont understand why someone as awesome as you or I has to worry about feeling like we are A.)useless B.) without direction C.) we MUST be doing well at heading in that direction.
ReplyDeleteWe are too awesome for this. Even if we dont appear to do a damn thing we still do a lot.
You are gifted with the ability to create and you are good at it. You don't compromise and you do your thing. Everyone else is fucking up by not understanding how important these traits are. Our time is so limited in this existence why the fuck does it matter if we have a career? Or if we know everything about the ramones?