Doomed.

I've known from an early age that I am doomed.
In 3rd grade Mrs. Matte told the class that if the white part of a person's eye is visible underneath the iris, it means that they are destined to live out a tragic and likely abbreviated life.
We were reading the diary of Anne Frank and in her picture, I could see it.
I can see mine too.

Think u missed it.

The other day my friend and I were at Yosemite Park contemplating a beautiful sunset.

Two guys drive up in a BMW.
They get out, one guy stands in front of the sunset, and the other guy takes about 5 pictures of him.

They get back in the car and drive away.

Epic Spring Tour Journal or "Tournal"

From April 4-May 19 2013, I smoked weed and played music all across this great land with friends both old and new. It was an incredible experience. Cultist had originally asked me to keep a tour journal for their website, but it ended up being so personal that I may opt to keep it confined to the pages of HBJ. Because this is a safe space, god dammit.

Reading over all of it again, I noticed that I completely left out some key moments in the trip. Those moments include:

- Being in Minneapolis at all. We went to the Mall of America and rode rollercoasters. After years of amusement park negligence, I worried that I may have outgrown rollercoasters, but then we rode TWO, and my fears dissipated completely. I am ready for more now.
While in MPLS we stayed with Rizwan, he made us dinner, and we played at Memory Lanes with Sundowners. I also played on Radio K, but it wasn't that cool.

- I dunno, that mighta been it. Just thought that was important.

Porn. Love.

This video from Prague is probably one of the best internet porns I've seen. 

I like it because the two people in it seem to actually be in love.
(Doesn't that always make it so much better?)

At least the man seems to really love the woman. This is evidenced when he tries to put her entire body in his mouth.
Then you see halfway through that he has a gimp-slave of sorts in the other room. I love how the innocent girl watches from the doorway. And then they gang up on her.

Because they're in love.

Confidence.

A couple of nights ago I played a show at the Bootleg Theatre here in beautiful Los Angeles, CA.
While playing the song "Taxi Driver" (which I just played at my last show and did a great job, god dammit) I messed up HARD, and I was ACTUALLY thinking at that exact moment "Gee, I sure hope I don't fuck up this song right now" and then I DID.
I've noticed that I'm at my best when I have confidence.
Sometimes during a song I have to assure myself: "You're Good! You're Good! Remember You're Good!"
And then I sound better.
But half the time I'm so fucking nervous I can barely sing.

Quiet Time.

The thing I miss most?

It is a feeling.
Safe, quiet, unquestioning.
At ease.
It is an image.
Me sitting on my bedroom floor and I'm drawing.
TV on.
Him sitting on the bed and he's drinking.
We exist alone as much as together.
But at least we're together.





(That is what I miss most.)

Boys

Boys are cheats and liars,
They're such a big disgrace.
They will tell you anything to get to second
Baseball, baseball,
He thinks he's gonna score
If you let him go all the way,
Then you are a
Horticulturist studies flowers,
Geologist studies rocks
The only thing a guy wants from you
Is a place to put his
Cockroaches, beetles,
Butterflies and bugs
Nothing makes him happier
Than a giant pair of
Jugglers and acrobats,
A dancing bear named Chuck
All guys really want to do is -
Forget it, no such luck.