PURPLE TAPES!!!

2nd Edition MILO GOES TO COMPTON tapes are here!!!
They're purple and they look like a MIWWION BUCKS.

The UPS man ran up the stairs, threw them against my front door, and then ran away. He a creep.

You can get one by paypaling $5 to thehavemercys@gmail.com !
Or come see me when I play in your town!

LETTER TO MEMPHIS

trying to get to you.


I sent my mom a Happy Birthday txt this morning like a good girl, but then I realized that today is not her birthday. Tomorrow is her birthday.

HOW I'M POSED TO KNOW WHAT THE DATE IS?????



Last night me, Kayla, and Shar decided to hang out.

Kayla and I picked Sharlotte up in Culver City and then we went to this place called The Spot so I could buy weed from my friend, who was there. This was an open mic in a secret backroom of a coffee shop/sandwich type place. There was an extremely old woman there who, at one point, whipped out an impressive collection of what appeared to be Mardi Gras beads.


I got this XTREME GREEN playing card but I did not win. :(



Thennnn we went to a bowling alley in Eagle Rock because there was a free Cum Stain show. We like to do things that are free.
Kayla and I tried to play air hockey but the machine ate our money and the girl wouldn't give it back to us!!!!!!
We were there for like 3 hours and saw like A MILLION other bands and then stopped caring altogether and left.


It was pretty cool though and at least it was something to do. I drew this picture of us all sitting at a boof:


Sharlotte, James, Me, Kayla, and Albert.



The End.

Boys, Art, Tar.

Sometimes I wish I was really deep and could write things that made people go "Wow, I never thought of it like that before!"

Oh well!
I'd only really be doing it to impress people anyway.


I love boys and I think about the ones I know often. Here's what I am thinking right now:


-C hasn't talked to me in like a month. At all. Which, in my opinion, is a little rude, but I only think that because I am wicked nice and would never do such a thing.

-H is psycho.

-J loves me but I do not love him but have been wondering if I will ever see him again (in bed)

-M never really loved me. He just loves my doggy style.




(I still love 'em all.)



Anyway, enough about those scamps.

I looked on craigslist yesterday for a sugar daddy and I think I found a good one. No picture though, lame. I wonder if hot old dudes do that too, or only unattractive ones? I figure there's gotta be hot ones because that would be SO bitchin' for everyone involved, but they are most likely looking for some "HOTTT" as fuck young urban socialite type who goes to the gym and wears high heels and stuff.

This guy was looking for the girl next door. Which is me. That's ME. Except I am sort of cool too. Maybe it could work! I am so into the idea of a mutually beneficial arrangement. I gotta go on tour. I got billz to pay.

The more I type and think about this the more I really want to do it, and if I type too much about it and then actually do it that might be weird. So I am going to stop now.



I have a strong desire to be outside but I also do not want to get skin cancer. California is very sunny.

Kayla and I took a walk to Stoner Park a couple of days ago because we are stoners and that is where we belong. We sat in the sun and smoked a joint. They are building a cool skate park there. Stoner Park has the best water slide EVER, although I have never seen any water in its pools.



If I was a kid and I lived in L.A. I would want to come here all the time. Well, I would if there was ever any damn water in its pools.

Then yesterday it was so nice out, we decided to visit the La Brea tar pits (whatever those are).
They are a part of the Los Angeles County Museum of Art or the LACMA as the locals call it.



It was pretty cool! I am very glad we went. The bathroom had a big bench with a cushion that was not as squishy as it looked. I got sad when I jumped on it with my ass, expecting more fun.

We saw a lot of old as fuck art from Southeast Asia, The Middle East, and Europe, as well as some modern and contemporary art from all over. I saw a lot of cool shit by Picasso, Klee, Matisse, and MORE!!!

I like Picasso. My friend Capn' Dan recently wrote on the internet that he bets Picasso got called an asshole all the time, and I'm sure he's right. Dan is very smart and is right about stuff much of the time.

I tried to take a picture of an awesome room at one point but I got yelled at. I did manage to snap these few though when the dumb security guards weren't looking.




This right here was some fucked up German shit. There was a banner with a slogan on it that said something fucked up, but I don't remember what. Kayla wrote it down though.


Then we walked around outside and tried to find the tar pits, which it turns out is just a small pit, with like tar in it, and some fake statues of some prehistoric elephants. They weren't quite wooly, but they had gigantic tusks so I figure they're supposed to be old school. And then there was another small pit somewhere nearby. With tar.

The rest of this week involves Kayla and I waiting with bated breath for Dan and Erica to get here.



OH YEAH, and come to my show on Saturday!!!!!!

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=124399977581648&ref=ts

I posted about this comedy show we went to last week already, but I forgot to post this picture that I took from it. This is some lady. She was the host. This night was fun. Our new friend the comedian gave us a ride home which was VERY nice and then we went to Danny's and got helllllllla stoned.

Thennn on Saturday night we decided to go to a hipster dance party in Chinatown.

We took the bus there. The place it was at was really weird. The building looked like a restaurant from outside, but inside and upstairs it was a huge loft style place, and they had a roof deck with really shiny grills and stuff. It was AWESOME. We got there kinda early though and it wasn't that bumpin. So then we went outside and walked around looking for some type of store. But then we remembered that Chinatown doesn't really have those. So we went back to the little area where the party was, which happened to be right next to the Mountain Bar which is where I played a couple of weeks ago. They were playing some fresh jam or another so we decided to go in there instead of back into the dance party. We got vodka and 7 Ups and they tasted bad, so I notified the bartender and we got vodka and red bulls which are SUPPOSED to be more expensive but were actually free! Yay. We went to the upstairs part so Kayla could look at a hot barkeep and sat on a comfy couch and chatted for a while and this large crew made me take their picture.

Then we went back to the dance party and there were tons more people there, but it STILL wasn't that cool. We danced to like 3 songs, some guy looked at my apron and was like HELL YEAH!!! and gave me a high five, but I'm still not sure why. Could he have been a Jetavana Grove fan? Had he simply no idea what the fuck was going on? Possibly. We wanted to ask the weird looking DJ if he knew anyone with drugs, but then we just decided to leave instead. We took the bus home. We were waiting at the bus stop and some dude pulled over and got out and was like, "Hey, you guys need a ride? I'm going that way! We can smoke!" and we were like "uhhhhhh..." and then some other dude with a limp and neck tats came up and was like "HEY! What the heck are you doin man??? Are you girls over 18???!!" And Kayla was like, "no!"

Well, I think he said "are you girls OVER 18", which is why I thought it was so hilarious when Kayla answered the way she did. But she thinks he said "UNDER 18". We will never know.

Then the limpy man was like, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" and the first dude left and me and Kayla sat on the bench and didn't say anything.

It was strange.

To be honest when he mentioned smoking I kinda wanted to take the ride.



Then on Friday night we decided to go to a Hookah Bar in Hollywood. Except it wasn't a bar. It was a "lounge". I actually called it a "club" at one point and felt like a really big douche and looked down at the ground. This is a picture of the ceiling.

Casey and his friends met us there and we all drank IBC root beer and smoked some hookah.

Me and Kayla got Wild Berry; the boys got Red Velvet. The Red Velvet one was really good. This place was weird!!! It was cool though. Eventually we left and saw mad dudes getting arrested on the street. We went to Casey's, smoked weed, listened to tight 90s jams, and played Apples to Apples.


Dude on the left won by a landslide. Ass. I came in second!!!


Thursday was a really really fucking beautiful day so Kayla and I decided to have a picnic on the beach. Our picnic ruled! We had watermelon, PB and Jays, delicious drinks, chips, AND cookies.

And weed.


Some freaks were having a benefit for something or other and there was a really intensely shitty cover band playing at it. We heard them soundchecking. It sounded like shit. I got to park for free because I ALWAYS get to park for free!

Then after the beach we went with my brother to a Playboy comedy showcase in Beverly Hills. But it was not fancy, and it was most certainly NOT FUNNY! I drank a Shirley Temple (so good) and chuckled once, maybe twice. But there were boobs. Like...6. Me and Kayla decided that Hef would not have approved of the night's comedy, were he there. It was tasteless and terrible. I took this picture:

What's happening here is that some guy is supposed to paint a predetermined picture on this scantily clad girl's body, and this other lady is supposed to guess what it is. The prize is absolutely nothing and this guy was the WORST DRAWER EVER. One of the words was "lollipop" and he painted a square with like, two dots on top of it.

Audience participation.

Those people in the front loved every second of it. They were weird though.

Now Kayla is watching Lil Jon's takeover of MTV or Fuze or something and I am doing this.
I wonder what will happen today?
This weekend Erica and Dan are coming and I can NOT WAIT!
They will be here on Saturday.
It will rule.
I am playing a comedy showcase at the Silverlake Lounge with Paul Scheer.
He is doing comedy.
I am doing music.
He is funny.

I AM EXCITED.

I am horny.
I want to make out.
I need a sugar daddy.

Did I mention that Kayla is here? Well, she is, and I am very glad about that.

A couple of days ago we decided to go to the Hollywood Forever Cemetery! I had never been. It was a nice day. There was a peacock on the loose and some guy was chasing it with a broom and it kept screaming.



We saw a lot of fresh gravez. But these here, these are palm trees.



We went inside a mausoleum.





It had pretty windows.


Thennnn we decided to "do something else fun" and went to the Griffith Park Observatory. Except we drove all the way up this time and parked in a parking lot instead of parking on a street wicked far away like me and Evan Parker did and having to walk like 3 miles up a wicked steep fucking hill.

It was fun like we hoped!



We sat on a ledge. Here's Kayla enjoying herself.

Then we went home and probably ate something really delicious. We've been doing that. It's nice.

That was Friday.

Saturday was heccccccckkkkkkka fun.

We were looking for something free and fun to do, and my new friend the Comedian suggested that we come to a "Comedy Party". When we found out that a "Comedy Party" means that you go to someone's house in the Valley, they give you tons of free beer and alcohol, everyone smokes weed, people play beer pong, there are dogs there, and then funny people tell really funny jokes in someone's garage which has a bunch of awesome couches and chairs in it, and then a High School Musical Pinata is smashed and everyone eats weird candy, and then the hosts bring out a giant hookah and we smoke some fruity tobacco, we decided we definitely should go to that.

Sharlotte came with us! We went to her house beforehand and made falafel, it was really good.



Here she is in her Christmas-themed hat.



Here's a guy telling jokes in the garage wearing a Hepcat workshirt.

This party was so much fun! In fact, we had planned to bail on this party at 11:00 PM sharp to go to a show, and ended up staying until like 3 am.


We've been really into comedy in the past week. We like it because it's free, and so far we have seen Chris Hardwick, David Koechner, and Maria Bamford TWICE.

We just love to laugh.

When Kayla and I both lived in Boston we would go to comedy shows together. Mainly she would meet me in South Boston where I worked, and we would walk to Faneuil Hall or take the T to wherever a Rob Crean show was happening and we would smoke mad bowls and then go to the shows and get wasted and heckle the comedians. In a loving way, though. I am sure that everyone hated us. If it wasn't me I probably would have been like, "those girls seriously need to shut the fuck up." But I am a bitch kind of.

Anyway it's fun and is just like old times!!

On Monday night we went to Hollywood to see a comedy show that our new friend the Comedian was hosting. We took the bus and missed our stop cuz we were on drugs and babbbbbblingggg. So we got off the bus and went into the grocery store to get snacks. I got an apple and a Snickers! And, I am pretty sure the morphine man was in front of me in the grocery store line!! Weird huh?

We asked people how to get to Sunset Blvd. Which, if you think about it, is a pretty well known street, and no one seemed to know how to get there. So we walked and walked and asked even MORE people and finally someone very close to it told us the right way, and we found it.

The comedy show was at the Hollywood Bar and Grill which was in a plaza and they made us buy two drinks which ended up costing $17!! Oi!

But, the show was fun. Chris Hardwick was funny, and my friend the comedian gave me a HUGE bag of pretzels which me and Kayla snacked on alllll the way home. (I ate my apple during the show.)

I didn't take any pictures that night. We took the bus home and stayed up pretty late chit chatting and watching Sex and the City.

We've been eating a lot of cereal too. I fucking love cereal. It is the best snack! Currently I have Crunch Berries, Apple Cinnamon Cheerios, and Special K Fruit and Yogurt. Yum.

THENNN last night we went to another free comedy show! It was also a fun night!
It was in Downtown L.A. right next to the 5 Stars Bar in a small-ish theatre with EXTREMELY comforable seats that were really big and cushy and had awesome armrests and reclined almost all the way back.

We took the bus there and this dude kept trying to feed us stuff. First a chocolate donut, then a banana, and then he kept trying to convince me to let him find me new shoes.

I don't wants no new shoes, thank you, I said.

Then he wanted to smoke weed with us and hang out. He was old, and from Tennessee, and racist as shit! I gave him a fake phone number. I hope he doesn't read this.

I also made some art. Here it is!



Here's a painting of some lil' sheep or something I made at Sharlotte's. It was inspired by nursery rhymes and the Blink 182 poster.



Nintendo Power Collage #1



Nintendo Power Collage #2



Nintendo Power Collage #3


THE END! :)

Last Nite

Hey homies.

Let me just tell you, Kayla is here and we BOTH have food stamps now and we are eating like KINGS!!!

Currently I am sitting next to an open box of Hostess chocolate frosted donettes.

Kings, I said.

We also made an incredibly adorable strawberry cake, I ruined it though and now it's more like a huge pile of strawberry crumbs. if you just put a bunch of frosting on them though its basically the same.

I played a show last night in Chinatown, it was pretty fun! Turns out, the dirty night gown is just as fun to sleep in as it is to play in. Multi functional. Great investment.
Me and Kayla smoked weed on the street and a small man tried to show us a video of something on his phone.

I took some pictures.















That's it, bye!