OMG.

Don't mean to turn this into a total complainy complain spot for complaining. but fuck.
I am not having fun.

I was just watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and crying wicked hard.
This family of 6 was having a great day swimming at the lake. 6 year old girl riding on the shoulders of her dad.
Dad goes down, can't get up, brother goes in to save him, they both drown and the cutest little blond boy I've ever seen is sobbing while telling us all about it.
Then their house burned down.
HOLY FUCK this is the saddeest fucking thing I have ever seen, I have to watch Keeping up with the Kardashians now.


In other news, I haven't been doing too well.
Not eating. Can't eat. Taking too many pills. Puking every day.
I picture myself just lying there on the floor, barely able to breathe, wasting away. Not far from the troof.

I HATE being sick + sad!!!!!!


I wish I had someone to cook delicious & nutritious meals for me.
It's very hard to do it alone.
gets old real fast.
It was so great in Oakland. We would have family dinners all the time. Cook, drink, and smoke together and hang out and laugh about the stupidest shit ever. Me, Nate, Dan, Steve O, Erica, Kayla...and Lilly of course.
I thought I could do it alone, but I can't and I also don't want to anymore.
I need Kayla and Erica.


My cousin told me when I first was in the hospital that it was OK to have a "WHY ME???" moment. I am having that moment. I have been having that moment since last July. Is that still okay?